Ever find yourself silently comparing yourself to other people and coming up short? Ever notice how this makes you feel? I bet it doesn’t make you feel better about yourself at all, I bet it just makes you feel worse the more you do it. In-fact, comparing yourself constantly to others tends to bring you down as you find yourself constantly repeating the “I’m not good enough” story, over and over again.
Comparing yourself to others and feeling bad about it only serves to disempower you, and stops you from sharing your unique gifts and talents with others and the world. So here’s a quick how to guide to help you stop comparing and start sharing your unique and valuable self today!
1. becoming aware of your comparing ways
The first step to overcoming the compare and contrast blues is to recognize when you are doing it and what you are telling yourself. Remembering that it is entirely natural for humans to compare ourselves with others, (it’s something that our minds instinctively do) but allowing this natural process to overwhelm you with self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy doesn’t help you to be the best person you can be. Next time you find your mind telling you the same old “I’m not good enough” story just remember to thank your mind, and simply take a deep breath and let it go. Sometimes just doing that is enough to dispel the bad feelings that come with the “I’m not good enough” story.
2. focus on what you’ve got instead of what’s not
If step one doesn’t work then it’s time to remind yourself of what you have got, instead of those skills or attributes that you don’t have. Focus on what you can do, for others if not yourself. Ask yourself, what’s in your power to contribute. Take the focus off what or where you are lacking, just for a moment, and bring your attention to those things that can help or make a difference. Give yourself a mantra to say to yourself when you catch yourself comparing and contrasting yourself in a negative light. For example: Comparing is a pointless exercise, everyone’s journey is different and unique.
3. take a wider view
Everyone has a story to tell, and everyone’s story is unique and private. What you see is often only the surface, you never know how someone is really feeling, or what is happening for them or what they’ve experienced. So even if some people may appear to have it easier than you, or have a better life, appearance or talent, never assume that they are coasting through life without a care in the world. Remember, there may be others that look at what you’ve got and envy you! You might live in a nice house with a caring family, or getting good marks might come easy to you when someone else has to struggle just to pass! If you are too busy comparing yourself to others and feeling down about it, chances are you’ll miss out on chances to feel good about yourself, by being grateful for what you have got….which brings me to my next tip!
4. practice gratitude daily
Focusing on how you don’t measure up compared to someone else, even if that someone else is just a composite of all the someone else’s you may know in one, is definitely a recipe for misery casserole! An antidote to the comparison blues is to start a daily gratitude practice. Every night before you go to sleep, mentally name and list 5 things that happened that day or that you noticed that made you feel grateful in some way. If you like you can start a ‘gratitude diary’ and write them down. That way, you can look back at it from time to time and build a gratitude resource that you can draw from whenever you want. Remembering to remember the things in our life that we are grateful for is a good habit to get into if you want to increase your overall feelings of happiness and wellbeing.
5. limit social media
There’s nothing as encouraging of your comparison demons to come out and have a good old play around with your mood quite like scrolling through your social media feed, especially when you are feeling particularly vulnerable. If you find that spending too much time on social media is causing you to feel anxious, depressed, blue or just plain bad then don’t. do. it. Limit your access to social media and if you must have a peek take everything you see there with tip two in mind: remember that what you see (especially on social media) is only a heavily edited version of what real life is like for an individual. It’s certainly only a fragment of reality at best. People who are truly happy and content with themselves and their lives are generally too busy living their life to spend too much time on social media sites anyway. Don’t believe the hype.
There you are. Five simple ways to help yourself to be the best self you can be. Last of all, being happy with yourself often comes when you stop focusing on yourself in general and look outward at the world and the people around you with compassion, empathy and without judgement. Really appreciating that we are all essentially in this together, and that we all have our own individual and internal struggles is really the best way to start to feel better about yourself.
“The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up.” ― Mark Twain