Truth Joy Beauty

Just my thoughts and reflections about living and loving in the post-post modern age.

The New “Rules” – Online dating dos and don’ts

Being in love with a wonderful, handsome, intelligent and sensitive man has its challenges, but let’s face it, dating sucks even more. It seems recent conversations with different people have been centred on the theme of online dating recently so I thought, it was about time I put my what I learned from my three years of dating online down on virtual paper. For the greater good. For the sake of those out there who have yet to discover the hazards that trailblazers such as myself painfully hacked out of the way so that those that came next could have a slightly easier time of it. Having said that, every journey is different. Things have changed rapidly in the last 5 years even and finding love in the world of instant connection and constant communication seems tougher than ever. How is this so? Well, that’s another blog entry (book even) all in itself but here we go. Some guidelines for keeping your head and kicking goals in the online world.

1. No photo, no chat. NEXT!
2. No need to tell them your life story off the bat. Treat everything on a need to know basis at first. Do they need to know how many men you’ve hooked up with or your sexual/dating history from year dot? No. Do they need to know the ins and outs of your last break-up and how much of an arsehole your ex is? Definitely not.
3. If they suddenly disappear or stop replying to your messages for seemingly no good reason. Delete them. No-one should leave you hanging.
4. Don’t waste your time. If you find yourself bored or having to drive the conversation in the first few minutes. Move on.
5. Be honest. If they contact you, and you’re like, Never in a million years! Let them know. Gently.
6. If you are not after sex without strings or a one time hook up, clearly state as much on your profile. You’d weed out a lot of losers and save yourself a lot of time in the process.
7. Know your deal breakers, and stick to them. Never apologise for who you are or what you want. (You don’t need to advertise this publicly but have a mental check list that you refer to when deciding whether to spend your precious time getting to know someone.)
8. Be openly wary. Sound like an oxymoron, well that’s because it kind of is. You need to be open to receiving and experiencing love and to do that you have to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, at first. Unfortunately, there are a lot of downright dishonest people out there. Especially online. Take everything said online with a ‘subject to approval’ mentality.
9.  Start as you mean to finish. Don’t accept any sort of behaviour online that you would not stand for in the real world, and vice versa. The relative anonymity of online dating means that some people take it as a licence to be rude, crude and just plain ridiculous. Behind the safety of their keyboards they say and suggest things that would never have the balls to say if they were ever to meet you in a normal, real life setting. Most guys would not go up to a girl in a bar and ask her if she likes having her pussy licked without expecting a slap or a drink in his face. In fact, I’d hazard a bet that the more brazen they are online, the more retiring they are in the real world.
10. Meet and greet ASAP. If you do meet someone you like and you find that he is ticking a few boxes, can hold your interest and has expressed interest in getting to know you better than by all means suggest a meet up sooner rather than later, even if it’s for a quick drink or coffee. If you’ve been chatting for a few days to a week and they are reluctant to meet you the give them the heave ho…something smells fishy and it sure as hell isn’t you! If they organize a meet up or date and then cancel on you at the last minute, do a no show and then disappear whatever you do, don’t take it personal. They were probably about to do something untoward and had second thoughts. Either that, or they got run over by a bus…either way. Consider them dead to you and get back on the ol’ information super-highway and keep travellin’ on.



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